Flippant Repentant

This is literally a page from my journal that I wanted to share with you all. The Lord brought to my attention yesterday through my church service that I had been a bit flippant concerning some of my sins and how they broke God's heart in the past. I had been so eager to receive His grace, that I hadn't taken much time to repent properly and completely. I wept, and these were the words that came from my weeping:

Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness towards me. You love me so much that You wait years for my heart to break over how I've broken Yours. You patience is beyond measure.

You extend grace to me when my sinfulness encompasses me. You show me grace even when I snatch it like an entitled child, only concerned with my benefit.

You love me in my ignorance and patiently wait until I'm mature enough to receive more of Your Truth-all the while holding no good thing from me.

Who is like the Lord? Your kindness is beyond my understanding. Your patience is unfathomable. And Your Love-ahhh, Your Love for me is immeasurable. I only know it in it's pieces-as You express it to me. But I'm sure I would literally crumble to pieces if I but got a glimpse of it's whole right now.

Which makes sense, because You, Yourself are Love; and to see You in all Your glory right now would surely mean my end.

Great Expectations

I have a confession to make. I'm a judger. I mean, to some degree we all are, so I don't feel alone. Even still, I don't think the Lord has called me to be one. I'll tell you one of the subjects I've judged the most, though... The "name it and claim it" gospel. I know, I know. Some of you are even judging me right now. :-) But there's always redemption in what God does, if you look closely enough.

Lately God has just been cleaning out some old defense mechanisms of mine in order to make more room for me to trust Him. And I came across a huge one--changing my expectations so as to not be disappointed. You see, I HATE to be disappointed, or better yet, caught off-guard with bad news. That's really what disappointment is, isn't it? It's something happening other than what you wanted to happen, all when you didn't expect it. That has traditionally been one of the scariest feelings for me. But God isn't satisfied to leave me in my fear.

He's been showing me that He's trustworthy and that it must eventually be enough for me that nothing catches HIM off-guard. And on top of that, He's been showing me that He really has my best interest in mind. And that "best interest" includes some really cool gifts.

I've spent so much of my life and time preparing for the worst that I've missed many chances to expect wonderful things from God. Can I ask God for anything that I want and expect to receive it? I know some of you would like an answer to that. Honestly, He's still teaching me; so I'll let you know when this lesson is over. :-) I do know, though, that I've spent way too much time on the opposite end of the spectrum; and He's moving me toward a healthier equilibrium. So for now, I'll be listening to Jonathan Nelson's "Expect the Great" on repeat!

Green Life

Do you know anyone who has decided to "go green?" I don't that I'm aware of. I mean, I know people who try to not waste food and who recycle, but I've always thought that only certain people with money can actually "go green." I haven't felt the need to look into it at all. I've just always thought, "the Lord is not really calling me to that. That's a little extreme, right?..."

I confess more by saying that I'm still not certain about what the Lord is asking of me in this department; but I know that He is using it to deal with a heart issue of mine.

I was reading Isaiah 39, and I was floored. This is the chapter where the prophet Isaiah predicted the captivity of those in Jerusalem by the huge force of the nation of Babylon. This chapter begins, though, by telling of how the Jews' king, Hezekiah, invited the son of Babylon's current king (the captivity would happen a while later) into all of his treasure houses-kind of to show off all of the riches he owned. Later, these treasures would be carried off, just as the people of Jerusalem were, as belonging to Babylon.

The prophet Isaiah then prophesies of a future captivity to Hezekiah, and his response was something like, "Good. At least it won't happen while I'm alive." What a selfish thing to say! I was appalled! And then I heard the still, small voice encourage me to ask when I had responded this way in my own life.

God brought to my attention that when approached with the idea that I should go green to take care of this planet, I had flippantly responded in my heart this same way. How embarrassing. While I won't condone any kind of worshiping of the earth, I do believe the earth was a gift from the Lord to humanity that I should feel some responsibility in caring for. Though we're far from the earth that God originally intended (where spiders don't terrorize me ;-)), I don't have to lack concern or care for that which the lord has entrusted me-us.

Like I mentioned earlier, I'm not certain at this point what this looks like practically, but I must at least approach the question with a different heart. Anybody got some cool going green tips?

His Life for Weed

I was reading an article on CNN.com that was quite interesting. A Canadian man, who has apparently been selling marijuana seeds to American citizens, was recently sentenced to five years after pleading guilty to this charge. The photo that CNN chose was one with him smiling and making a peace sign. I read it intending to be entertained.

It turns out that this man donated much of the money he received to political groups committed to lobbying for marijuana to be made legal. He and his wife sincerely believe that this should be a legal right, so much so that in the wake of his imprisonment, his wife is fervently leading this movement in his absence. Then I got this picture.

Here is this man who willingly gave up his freedom for his cause, and with this act has spurred a small movement among those who believe as he does. And I thought to myself in my distant concern for this issue, what a seemingly trivial cause to sacrifice for. I mean, is the legal right to smoke marijuana worth time with your wife? Children if he has them? And look at the attention he has drawn from people who may or may not care about his cause. It made me start to think (or hear a still, small voice).

What am I willing to sacrifice my life for? And I really mean, what am I willing to sacrifice my life for tangibly. In America, being a Christian usually brings about more internal conflicts than external, but I think God is more interested in how our hearts answer this question, knowing that our actions will follow if given the chance. So, what are you willing to trade your life for?

Your Bronze is the Most Valuable

There aren't as many mentions of women and their significance in the Old Testament as there are mentions of men and their significance; so as a woman, when they show up, I like to pay attention. Sometimes, though, they show up in the most seemingly random places.

There's a passage in Exodus that is describing the making of the tabernacle (the physical structure in which God chose to interact with the Israelites). It briefly describes the making of the bronze basin that the priests were to use to wash their hands and feet. It was a very serious order that God gave concerning this basin, or sink-like structure. In fact, God said that if they didn't do this, they would die. And then out of nowhere this passage says, "He [Bezalel, the super-anointed craftsman for this task in particular] made the basin of bronze and it's stand of bronze, from the mirrors of the ministering women who ministered in the entrance of the tent of meeting [the entire structure housing the tabernacle]." First of all, I'm honestly thinking, "did they have mirrors back then?!" Then I'm flabbergasted by the fact that there were women ministering in this holy place! It makes me excited to think that God thought the bronze from their mirrors worthy enough to be used to make this cleansing basin.

These women were actually mentioned again, but in not so flattering a way. After years of the Israelites using this tabernacle that I mentioned, along with this bronze basin, there was a priest named Eli. Though Eli took his duties as a priest seriously, his sons did not. And in this case, the priesthood was passed down through the family. So, God is talking about how evil Eli's sons are, giving examples of their sins, and--here comes our mention again--he mentions how these sons of Eli have been sleeping with the women who minister at the entrance of the tent of meeting. It sounds sadly familiar. The very women deemed valuable, along with their possessions, to make a piece of furniture for the very place that would house God Himself's presence, have lowered themselves considerably.

Please take a moment to consider the weight of this. The women that God thought special lowered themselves. Those that God saw as valuable thought less of themselves.

I've been there. I've lived out of that mindset, and the lifestyle that ensues is not pretty. Thank God for His rescuing, because now I can say that God's love and redeeming power have no limit! I pray that if you're reading this and you've found yourself in the middle of a lifestyle that you know is not acceptable, you would be open to understanding your true value from the One who made you. And if you've already been delivered, I pray that you'll reach out in love to the ones around you who still need to be free.

Grabbing Some Firewood

Have you ever gone through a season where you were on FIRE for God?! I mean, you couldn't get enough of His presence or His Word. That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. Well, if you're familiar with this feeling, then you also know what it's like for this feeling to begin to wane.

It's a sad feeling, isn't it? You start to feel guilty as you spend less and less time being intentional about talking to God and studying the Bible. You start to make smaller and smaller efforts, hoping they'll "count" for something. But that's no more effective than a husband showing his wife "attention" to just be able to say that he's done it. I haven't met a wife yet that can't see that from a mile away.

Well, God is not fooled either. He wants our hearts to really burn for Him, not just go through the motions to pretend to. In the ancient tabernacle model that God had the children of Israel make, God Himself lit the fire on the altar at the entrance of this holy place; but He instructed the people to replace the wood daily so that the flame would never go out.

I'm working hard these days to keep this flame going that God Himself has lit in my heart. I'm working to gather the wood that I need everyday to ensure that the fire won't go out. What are some ways I can do this that you recommend?